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I had been asked to go into my son's school to 'discuss' what he had done that week. 'What he had done' was to take himself unofficially along on a school trip with his mates to some Maths Lectures at a University in another part of the country. It was not the topic that interested him, which was why he did not book officially on the trip in the first place; it was being with his mates, who he had only discovered were going when it was too late for him to book to go too. Instead, he had found a way to get himself, by his own means, to this University. He had somehow managed to smuggle himself into the lectures and into one of his mates' bedrooms to sleep overnight. Naturally the school were concerned and so was I till they found him (although I did not doubt that they would - knowing my son). So here I was faced with a 'panel' of teachers. I had expected to be talking to one or two but not a panel of six who were clearly set on reprimanding me as much as my son. "Did I know what my son had done?" "Did I realise that he acted against all school rules?" And it developed into 'and another thing' barrage. "Did I know that he did not attend all Maths classes at the school and did not show a great deal of interest in them when he was there?" This latter point was coming from a very rigid and stony Maths teacher. Well you know I am pretty good at taking feedback but I felt it was now time to respond, especially to this latter point. "Do you think you have any part to play in this? If he doesn't seem interested in your Maths lessons what part of that is your responsibility?" This had a very quietening effect on the whole discussion. "We are after all your customers - are we not?" Even quieter. At this point one of the other teachers who had been very quiet to this point said "I would like to add a point on James' behalf (James is my son's name). He is always very positive and usually takes responsibility for what he does. I feel that this is an exception." Anyway the outcome of this was that James was suspended for a week from school. Finally I put it to them (well to the Maths teacher in particular) that I appreciated that he had acted unofficially, however I also recognised him a high level of motivation an initiative to get himself on very little money to the other side of the country and then to attend Maths lectures! I pointed out that my experience of working in business was that these two qualities were highly valued in the business world today! As we walked through the school gates we passed the games master (one of James' favourites teachers and consequently subjects) who asked what the outcome was. A weeks suspension I replied. "That' a good punishment!" he said wryly. "What is he going to do - watch TV for a week?"

Recognise our unique talents

So how does this relate to coaching? Well for me coaching is about discovering the patterns that we have in our thinking and behaviour that are our unique skills. I specialise in the use of NLP to 'model' unique talent. NLP is short for

Neuro: the patterns in thinking and behaviour that make our experience what it is.
Linguistic: the patterns in the our internal and external language that influence our thoughts, feelings and actions
Programming: the sequences of patterns in thinking and behaviour and language that form our strategies for life.

So James' true talents were in risk of being swamped by the way he had misdirected them. That is so often the case. If we don't have an official outlet for our true talents we misdirect them. Alternatively we use them in our leisure interests. How many people do you know that show an exceptional talent and passion for the things that they do out of work and yet show no signs of them in their work? It takes skill to recognise these unique talents. They are not the things that we normally put on our job application forms. For example, we had invited friends to join us at our house in France and my husband promised to send them directions. He said that the next time he drove from the airport (which was the route that they would take) he would note the details of the route for them. He was on his own when he did this and he produced some amazingly detailed and informative directions. Both my friends and I commented on how difficult that must have been when he was driving to note down such details. To our surprise he said that he had written them down afterwards. I should have realised that he has this amazing capacity to remember the sequential details of routes and replay them long after he has been there. In a newspaper article about the brilliance of Michael Schumacher on the eve of the 1997 Japanese Grand Prix, John Barnard, responsible for the technical development of the Arrows motor racing team, is quoted as saying:

It's a kind of mental attitude, a total commitment. He has this innate ability to go quickly, which means he is able to concentrate on what the car is doing a lot more. He can recount clearly every corner around the lap and this feedback is clear and sharp. It's what all the really good ones have got. Alain Prost was the same. You could talk about something a week after it had happened and he'd still give the exact picture. *

This says as much about John Barnard as a coach in recognising this as it does about the special talent of Michael Schumacher.

Coaching is the ability to recognise the unique talents with which we do what we do and use this feedback to strengthen and appropriately direct these talents to make a positive difference in our work and in our life.

I mentioned this on a course that I was running and one of the delegates said 'I can do that too." And this ability to remember sequential details accurately would have been invaluable in some jobs in that company. But no one realised that he had this skill and so it went unused. Not even he realised that it was a skill of value

How can we spot these unique talents?

It is quite simple and here is a step by step guide to get you started or to build on what you do already. Start by doing this for yourself.

1. Identify something that you have done today. It could be good or bad. (For example you might have got up on time, cheered someone up, or you might equally have got yourself stressed or procrastinated about a job that you 'wanted' to do)
2. Now ask the question 'How did I do this?' Note that the question is not 'Why did I do this?' The question gets you to a very different place that is much less useful and sometimes positively harmful in this kind of coaching. Be aware of how you were thinking, of what you were thinking, of what actions you took, what kinds of beliefs you were operating from and what values you were satisfying for yourself.
3. Recognise that you will probably take some of this thinking that you do for granted. When for example I pointed out to someone that they had this very skillful way of humorously keeping everyone in a team involved at all times in a project - they said 'Doesn't everyone do that? And no everyone does not do what you do and especially not in the way that you do it.

An alternative way is to identify your talents through someone else.

1. Identify someone you admire
2. Identify what it is specifically that you admire about them
3. Now ask yourself the question 'How do I have that same skill?' (You may not use the skill in the same way but the fact that you can recognise it in someone else means that you have it or have the potential to develop it further)

Now repeat these processes for someone else. If you have been invited to give feedback to someone or if it is your role to do so then it is by giving others feedback on the talents that you recognise in them that you coach them. When you give feedback of this nature you raise awareness of how we do what we do and that lead to choice. Choice to consciously access that talent when we wish.

Imagine a company or a family where the emphasis is on recognising these unique talents within each of the members. If you can imagine then this skill of coaching is yours and life and work are a celebration of excellence.

And James? Well he has completed his university course (not Maths) but sports psychology and sport science. He has enrolled on a water sports coaching course in Sydney. Can you guess which teacher had the most influence?

*Excerpt from NLP Solutions by Sue Knight, published by Nicholas Brealey Publishing