Ask Sue Knight

I would love to study NLP...aspects of it appeal to me very much. I know a little about how it works, and my partner went on a course in London with another company, several years ago.

My concern is twofold. Firstly, that I don't agree with the way the person who was running the course hypnotizes people for money and entertainment, and secondly, I was surprised that my partner came back from the course in a strange 'high' state, so deeply hypnotized into believing that he need never address his feelings again, (and chuckling about the way the word 'psychotherapist' had been presented during the workshop as 'psycho, the rapist'.), that it was like living with a monster for several weeks afterwards.

Gradually, over the months it wore off, and he became less dogmatic. He told me, amongst other things, that a woman who kept constantly interrupting with concerns was hypnotized there and then to stop her, which amused everyone. Such disregard for the individual would not surprise me, having seen this tutor on T.V. I don't wish to sound negative, but having experienced first hand how NLP was used to encourage someone I care about to bypass deeply buried feelings, and the harm it did him, I have to say something. My partner had childhood issues that he had never allowed himself to look at again, through fear. He, along with everyone else who attended the course, was issued with a certificate that would enable him to use NLP on others, for a living, if he chose to having not addressed his own issues, he had very little compassion for anyone else's, as you can imagine. Without meaning to sound unkind, I think he would have been a potential danger to anyone he treated, and for all the organizers of the course knew, so might any number of other people on the course have been.

I think NLP is a fantastic tool, but I also believe in the power of allowing past feelings to emerge, so that they really can be felt properly, in order to move on from them. I believe there must be a danger that NLP will be used by some tutors and students alike as a quick fix, without really dealing with deep issues respectfully.

I want to learn NLP, but quite frankly, the thought of being hypnotized as my partner was, or as people on TV sometimes are, absolutely horrifies me. I appreciate that we are all living in a state of hypnosis of some kind anyway, but I'd like to find a teacher I could trust. Where can I find an NLP teacher who appreciates the value of skilful psychotherapy too?

Dear Julia, thank you so much for your question and you raise some very key points here. One thing that is interesting though is that despite your reaction to your partner when he returned from the training you are still curious. I guess that says something either about your tenacity or the overall influence that the NLP has had on you. I would be interested to know. Anyway, you will find that different presenters have very, very different styles and it really is horses for courses. What suit one does not suit another. However, I would expect that anyone doing training with me to aim to be an attractive example to others of what they have learned (but maybe overall your partner has been this?). The NLP trainers you mention and others emphasise the hypnotic aspect of NLP. I do not, for example, as the thrust of my work is in business and I aim to help people to make conscious what they do unconsciously. The unconscious plays a part in everything that we do however but how you want to work with that is a matter of personal choice. I do know that some think of NLP as a quick fix. I prefer to encourage delegates to learn to experience and work through their feelings.

I do think that at the end of the day all feelings are desirable and we can learn from them.

Well that is some of what I think and I hope that helps. I would suggest that you sample different presenters of NLP.

If at any time you want to come and experience a bit of our courses do just let me know.

Yours sincerely,

Sue Knight